An Illusion of Community

My mind has as usual been playing games with me...

I have been thinking (in a kind of subconscious way) that since I plan to be here for a year or more and that because I know a couple of people here reasonably well, that I should be trying to "build a home" and all the associated relationships etc...
This makes perfect sense to the logical mind of course, but it has been causing a background stress that I have been feeling and in fact, it has been building since a couple of months before I left Vancouver!

The truth however is that I am pretty much completely isolated (much moreso than external appearances would suggest) and its not likely to change in the near future!

The people I know here are great but they have their own lives and are engaged in them fully. They are mostly Israelies and are very nice people, but when any two of them are together then about 50% of the conversation is in Hebrew. Thats of course fine and I am still quite involved and able to participate, but if there are three or more of them then the conversation is completely in Hebrew... and it doesnt matter how much I try to participate or contribute, within about 30 seconds of me stopping talking, the conversation has fully switched back to Hebrew and thats where it stays. That too is fine - I have no desire to change how people interact and they have a nice little community that helps them feel comfortable... but it is very exclusional for me. So in the midst of a nice little community, Im actually completely isolated.
Other than that, the tourists in the town are mostly just here short term and the other people that are not tourists are mostly not people Id choose to spend lots of time with (thats more a reflection of me than them though) ...It always takes me a long time to filter out and build the friendships that are significant.
So even though I am completely surrounded by the symbols and tokens of "community", the truth is that I am completely alone! (on all levels). I am (and always was) quite prepared to deal with things here as they are, but it was the illusion of community that I had allowed to trick me into an approach here that was doomed, And now that I recognize it and I change my approach to things, I feel much better (So Im sure Im on the right track!). Im now thinking like Im traveling even though Im staying put!

It took me quite a while to figure out what was going on though, and of course my friends here have all been full of advice of the form "you should...". Saddly but unsurprisingly, this was more obstructive than helpful (though of course it was intended to be helpful).
In fact it became so obstructive that I eventuallly figured things out because of it!
It never ceases to amaze me that EVERYONE thinks they know whats best for someone else... (I of course do it too, though these days I try to do it far less) and everyone is always so sure of themselves too.
And no doubt the advice can be useful to people, but its the sureness of everyones attitude that they know whats best for someone else that saddens me.
There are so many different personalities with so many different values and so many different experiences that people have had ...we are all such complex entities...

I am reminded yet again that (at least as far as I see it) the greatest gift you can give with regard to human relationships is that of tollerance and acceptance, and the greatest ability you can have with regard to communicating is that of being able to truely step out of ones own perspective and see the world through another persons values/experiences.
Of course, everyone thinks that they can do it quite well, but its not true. We may be able to appreciate other opinions and points of view, but what we cant do is to let go of our own values at the same time...and that TOTALY changes the view!... and that totaly LIMITS our ability to truely understand....

and that is the human condition :)