Monday, June 29, 2009

Conundrum!

Over the last little while here, life has presented me with several more or less minor moral/ethical questions that have been quite challenging to resolve. Actually, I would normally find a way of avoiding resolving them, but this time round Im gonna push myself and not avoid it!...Since I think the default avoidance of such issues is what most of us do most of the time and I think it is often a bad choice.

I thought Id share some of it...


Now, first off, I have to point out very clearly that pretty much everyone who was not born here in Guatemala (all the expats) is here because they are "running away from something" (and I include myself here too of course!). This can mean everything from the litteral "on the run from the law" to the far more mild running away from a lifestyle that is unrewarding. But the core of it is that everyone has run a long way from home (which most people just dont do) and thus everyone here is a bit "special" in their own way and has some "strong" personality traits all of their own.

So, living and interacting in the small expat´ community here exposes you to a lot of "challenging" people and requires quite a bit more tolerance than most people living in their home countries need to have.

So, back to the issues:
There are currently four different situations involving different people of different ages (though all adult) and with different levels of my friendship. The issues are all entirely unrelated and very different but they range across topics from sexual to financial to personal privacy etc...
It took me a while to figure out that they were all quite closely related though...
They are all very specifically to do with selfishness and manipulation/exploitation of others for personal benefit... Which is why I have a problem with these peoples behaviors!

Essentially, I really do not like the way these people are behaving on these specific issues and as a result, I dont want to have anything to do with them. Now for the most part I am actually able to ignore all these issues because either the person or the issue its self crops up very rarely in my daily life... That is to say I can mostly avoid having to deal with it :))
However, one of these people asked me for assistance yesterday and I had to make a choice...
(They phoned me to ask for some information... and I said I didnt have it on me and Id get back to them latter - So this time I have time to decide what to do about it!)

A little more detail here...but not too much!; Lest I offend on the privacy front and fall foul of my own moral standards...... again! :)))

In this case, the person involved is a middle aged adult and they have an absolutely clear history of illegal and amoral behavior (non-violent). No details here but I am absolutely sure that every single one of you would condemn the historic behavior that I am avoiding mentioning. Now since this person has been here in San Pedro, they have also crossed the line on one occasion (possibly only that one occasion - I just dont know!) that involved a good friend of mine but other than that they are more or less a normal sort of person. Note also that they have not done anything directly to me that I have any issues with at all!
Now this person does not have a personality that I find at all interesting and in fact they can be a bit annoying from time to time, but on the whole, I would normally just accept them as a part of my world and interact casually and normally with them. However, as a result of this persons past and known recent behaviors, I dont want to have anything to do with them! I dont want them as a friend, I dont want to be around them and I certainly dont want to help them.
Again, I could normally achieve this and still manage to be courteous in passing with them ("good mornings" and such), but as I said, they have asked me for some assistance...


They have asked me for a small piece of information that they believe I may have.
The information is the contact details for a person who does not live in the town.
I believe they have no ill intent toward that person.
Me providing this information would be entirely legal.
But I am not the only source of this information that the requesting person knows of.
And it would require no effort or difficulty for me to provide the information.
... and, I do in fact have the information (though the requester is not sure of this)


All that said, I find that my gut reaction is to not want to give it to them!
Emotional responses:
...I dont like them...They hurt my friend and others...They will continue to hurt others in the future...I want justice...I wont harm them, but I dont have to help them...Life should be harder for this person...I want to obstruct them.

My Options:
It seems to me that I basically have three main choices as to how I respond.
There are some other choices but they are quickly eliminated:
I could also give them a "talking to" about their behaviors and "evangelize" before proceeding with any of the other options but I believe this would do no good at all... Life has already given them plenty of feedback about what they have done...My preaching wont change them!
I could also choose to be rude and obnoxious but that again would not change them and would make me a far less pleasant person to be around... Then the situation really does "cost" me rather than them!

So the remaining options appear to be:
1) I could Not give them the information.
2) I could avoid the problem.
3) I could give them the information.

Now I make no pretense that any of these choices is right or wrong for anyone else...What is written below is just how it feels for me. The answer I get may be completely different to the one you get...Im OK with that :)


The first option is in line with my gut instincts (... and its a strong urge!) to deny the request.
It fits the idea of the world being a more difficult place for this person who treats others badly with selfish intent. It feels like justice and it also feels like being honest about how I feel about the person and that Im being pro-active about my world...
But its actually "vengance", not "justice", and the punishment has little direct relation to the crime...
And who am I to be punishing anyone anyway?
And its confrontational.
And it has no "forgiveness"...
Even though the offender appears not to be willing/able to change and hence I dont want to forgive!...

... But there is one thing I am sure of, and that is that this world needs more forgiveness!...
Even those; No, Especially those; who dont deserve it!
Without forgiveness, We are all doomed!
We all make mistakes... There needs to be a way back from the darkness for us all!
(Note: While we all deserve forgiveness, it does not mean that our offending behaviors deserve tolerance!)
.. So, on reflection, this does not seem like the option I should take...

The second option seems to me to be the easy way out... In the short term anyway!
I could easily say I dont have the information... I lost it, I never had it, I think its inappropriate to give it out, etc. I could make up mirriad excuses and I would never be discovered in the lie... Except by myself of course...
And I would have lied in order to either avoid making a choice which would be unpleasant for someone else to accept... Or worse to deliberately obstruct someone based on the way I feel.
And I actually think this is VERY self destructive behavior and bad for society as a whole!

Why self destructive and bad for society?
Well, because it is a lie and its the slippery slope toward much more significant choices. Im avoiding being recognized for a choice that someone else does not like. Once this little lie is hidden, then I lay myself open to bigger and bigger lies to keep covering up the previous lie... And then Im open to manipulation by anyone who knows Ive lied!... And make no mistake this is EXACTLY how all of a sudden we find that millions of Jews have been sent off to extermination camps by a regime that we helped put in power!; or that all of a sudden our town/country is being run by gun toting "drug lords" and we hate it, but we chose to do nothing about the grow-op down the street a couple of years ago, because "they were not really hurting anyone"!... OH Yes it is!

Note here (there are so many tangents in this post, its not funny :))) ) that I am fully aware that this is just the sort of argument that Im sure the Taliban uses to justify spraying teenaged girls who dare to go to school with acid!...If you want to, you can "justify" any sort of atrocity with this kind of logic.... But Im not talking about what "punitive actions" you decide to take... Im talking about being honest with yourself and being prepared to be honest about what you believe in with others... Even when it gets uncomfortable for our selves!

Dont get me wrong here, these little "public deceits" for the purpose of conflict avoidance virtually never develop into "monster" sized problems... But they absolutely are avoidance of responsibility for choices that are not popular with someone else.
The most likely outcome of this sort of behavior is that we will wake up one day and discover that we absolutely hate the life we are living because its ALL based on a continual stream of little lies to be nice to all the people in our world... And now we are trapped into "being" something that we dont want to be and living a hopeless empty existance that we dont have the courage to change.
Now, it may not be quite as bad as that but I bet most of you feel a bit of truth in there... And if you think about it, I bet its because you were avoiding being honest about little things way back when... Think about it?...

So, Yes I could "avoid" the issue by doing this...
And I know for sure that in one way and another I have done this plenty of times in the past and will do it again in the future... But I think it is a bad choice now, and I want to do this as little as possible in the future... So, For my own sake, I will not take this option either!

The third option goes strongly against my base instincts...
It means I am helping this person whose actions I strongly disagree with.
It could encourage them to seek assistance from me again.
It could encourage them to seek my friendship...Which those same instincts dont want to give.
It is non-confrontational.
It is "tolerant".
It also could be seen as being incredibly hypocritical by avoiding confrontation, avoiding taking action, and avoiding justice.
And, it could be seen as weak and irresponsible...


But its not avoidance at all, Its a definite choice, And its a choice based on careful consideration...
And its a choice with "compassion" and "hope"...
...And I hope someone does the same for me one day when I least deserve it!   :))


So, that will be my choice... Give them the information and move on.

Im still free to spend as little time around them as I want.
Im still free to decide who I want as my friends and who I dont, and to encourage or discourage friendship accordingly.


But it doesnt mean that I would make the same choice for the other situations or even for the same situation if things were just a little different... These things are complicated and I think each deserves consideration... each and every time. Its hard to deal with this sort of challenge well when your "on the spot" and Im sure Ill make bad choices in the future through lack of time to consider...But I will try to do the best I can.
Id like to find a way of deciding quickly and easily what to do in these situations but its hard to pull stuff out of the muddle of my emotions and logic.

No doubt, if Aristotle were alive, he would be dissapointed with me, but I guess the best I can do at this stage is this:

If there is no immediately apparent behavior or consequences that cross my moral boundaries.. And if I have no personal bad experience with the person on the issue in question...
Then I'll try to "let it go"...
... They may not be my friend, but I am not their enemy!


This issue is still not done though ...  So easily misinterpreted - So tricky!
Ill continue in the next post...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Stifled

As anyone who is still reading this blog has probably noted, the posts over the last six months or so have had quite a bit less "content" than they had previously while I was touring.

As I occasionally state, this blog is mostly for me but if others get value out of reading it then I am happy to share myself.
And I freely admit that my thought processes are not always that flattering to me...
But Im just a person and Im still learning and growing ... And one of the most effective ways I manage to grow is by watching the world and watching myself...
And the more honest and diligent about that "watching", the more I learn about me and other people and the world and life :)))

But, one of the side effects of being in one place is that you develop assorted relationships with the people living around you. And we humans are all very social creatures...
And the rules of acquiring "social credit" in our human societies are that you dont actually get to say what you think. Even if you make it very clear that these are just observations of the moment from your current perspective and that they will change etc... It just doesnt matter.. People cant take it!

We all have massive egos and we all get immediately offended when someone says something that conflicts with our self-image or the image we have of one of our friends or whatever. If the comments conflict with our own views, we immediately get angry at the person expressing the dissident opinion and defend or attack or whatever!

Im no different here than anyone else.
Its completely hypocritical of course since we all have these types of thoughts about other people, but we just cant handle it if we get to hear those thoughts expressed by others :)
If we did express those thoughts publicly then that "social credit" that is oh so critical for our society to function would evaporate very quickly!

And thats why I have not been able to write down a bunch of stuff that has been going on in my little head since I stopped touring. You see, while I have not advertised my blog, I do tell people about it from time to time and some of them even read it from time to time. And the longer I am in one place then the more people that includes, and that means there is less and less stuff that I can write about (Well, that is if I want to retain any "social credit")...

There have been a couple of posts in the not too distant past that I have "crossed the line" with and dared to state what my thoughts were... (Actually I only ever dared to put the mildest of thoughts into print).
But, Id "crossed the line" and some people didnt like that I was honest about what my thoughts were and that I wrote stuff that they felt differently about. It didnt matter that it was clearly just my observations about life and was from my perspective at the time, or that I didnt mind if other people had different opinions... They felt compelled to strongly express that I was wrong about "this" and I should never write "that"... and I got the requisite "feedback"... and burned up a bunch of that social credit!

And the social function of this feedback was of course to "push me back into line" with the social norm' of keeping any of my "less than flattering" thoughts about others to myself.
The people giving the feedback didnt think of it that way though... They were of course trying to convince me that I was wrong and that they were right... It of course doesnt matter that they all have their own less than positive thoughts about others that are just as biased by their perspectives as anyone elses...
All just normal human behavior really :)

But, thats mostly coming to an end very soon now.
Im going touring again...
And I will be alone again, which will have its own challenges but which will allow me much more freedom to write what I think.

Of course, its still not a license to write all my absolute honest thoughts down... (that would get me arrested and locked up in a psych' ward for sure!)
But it will give me far more freedom to share my "observations" of life as I live it.

And so, as usual, please keep reading if you enjoy it and stop reading it if you dont! :)))

Monday, June 15, 2009

The "L" Word

No, Not Love Actually.   :))

I was thinking of the opposite....Loneliness.

Ive decided that a larger break from SanPedro is in order.
Over the past four and a half months, I have achieved quite a lot down here:

I am now the owner of an official (all documents and permissions in place) business that seems to be reasonably profitable. I am also building a bit of a reputation it seems as people come to me specifically to rent bikes, having heard about me from other tourists in Antigua and Xela (nearby cities). I now also seem to be doing significantly more business than the other bike rental place in town (their bikes and service are typically Guatemalan...not great!), so thats also good news. And, now that we are through what they say is probably the quietest period, there is no doubt in my mind that with a couple more bikes the business could cover all my expenses year round.
I have successfully managed to set up bank accounts (turns out that this is far from straight forward here for foreigners) and transfer $Cdn into the country and have got this cycle time down from a week or two when I first did it to just a day or two now.
I have even purchased a small (very small) block of land that I think has good potential for a small house with a nice view. Though it is not exactly what I was looking for and I will not start building for the present.

I also know lots more of the locals, and who does what in the town which is good, and have also broadened my circle of friends with a couple of really great people that I didnt know before I came... I am very slow and selective about "quality" friendships, so having found a couple of people who I really value in just a few months is really good progress!

But!...

It just aint enough....I dont feel I have roots here yet!
So, Ive had a look at why that is and it seems it is because nothing I am doing or have done while here is "with passion"... and Im afraid thats a "MUST have" if I am to settle down here!

Now there are several things that qualify as "passions" for me and I truly intended to pursue them when I came down here... But as yet, I have to say that I have not succeeded.
I have tried on multiple fronts to make progress on these goals but for one reason or another I have unfortunately not managed to "make things happen". Its true I could definitely have done more on some fronts, but on the whole I think I have given it a good shot... It just seems to "not be happening" for the moment...

So, what am I to do in the mean time?

Well, Ive decided that Im heading back to Vancouver in a couple of weeks with the intention of sorting out a bunch of stuff that I cant do from here (not the least of which is starting a fingerprint check with the Canadian police so I can start immigration processes here in Guat', and of course going in to "have a personal chat" with my bank!).
But Ive also decided that I will pick up my big motorbike and maybe my paraglider (two items that hold at least some memory of that mystical "passion" for me) before heading back to Guate'... which is for the present, still the "home" plan.
Ive also decided that while Im there, since I have the opportunity and the season is perfect, I will do another bike tour up North to Alaska and back before heading South again. It will then depend on how I feel as to if I keep riding South for Argentina or rest up in San Pedro for a while.

And thats what has got me thinking about loneliness...

The long riding in foreign countries with every day having the constant challenge of communicating, finding food and shelter, and basically "keeping body and soul" together. Its tough work and I have to admit that I find the idea somewhat "tiring" even before I start doing it.
And that seems kinda weird since I have the incredible fortune of being able to do it (financially, physically, skills etc) and it would qualify as an absolute "dream opportunity" for many adventurous people, but Im only "luke warm" about it....
...What an ungrateful prick I can be sometimes!

But its just the loneliness that bites...The rest truly is an absolute privilege...
And it seems that the loneliness can reduce all the other privileges you can think of to just so much "dust"!

... If you let it that is...
But Im gonna resist that outlook as much as I can and focus on the good stuff instead :)

So despite the probable loneliness, Im gonna go touring again....
To miss-quote the group "Alabama3" :
...Traveling at the speed of the sound of loneliness; Out there running just to be on the run...


So, for those of you who dont know it, Im here to tell you that love and sharing, and relationships with friends are "way up there" as the most valuable of gifts in our lives... Being grateful for them and savoring them while we can (since inevitably, all things pass) is ALWAYS time well spent!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A Break from the Lake

I decided that after four months here at the lake without change, it was time for a break.
So I went in to Antigua for a few days.

I had some junk food, looked at some good art galleries, had a very nice dinner in a quiet restaurant with a friend, stayed in dingy hostels and met assorted travelers. All in all, it was good to get away from San Pedro and I enjoyed Antigua more than I expected. I had been there last year (or is it the year before now?) and I admit that I was a bit dissapointed... Last time, the "blah" in the guide books and all the talk from other tourists had my expectations too high. But this time it was good  :) There were less tourists in town due to it being rainy season, and I already knew what to expect. So, I wandered around quietly for a day or so and enjoyed the architecture and art.



The view from the courtyard into my hostel room.


















Then a couple of other people that I met at the lake showed up and we booked a trip to the local active volcano...It takes about half a day to go climb it and see what the lava is doing.
Again, I did this last year, and again, I was a bit dissapointed since there was no flowing lava at the time...just some tumbling red rocks.
This time it was better but still not perfect... There was flowing lava for sure, but it was not possible to get as close to it as I wanted. You see, not surprisingly, molten rock is rather hot! - Actually its Basalt in this case and I am told by a reliable source that the flowing stuff is at about 800 degC - And even the just setting stuff is only slightly cooler at about 700 degC! And thats quite "toasty"!

So the challenge in this case was that the flowing stuff was going over the top of stuff that had set just a few days before. The few day old stuff is only really only set on the outside and is still quite dangerous to prance about on, and its more than just a little hot on the inside as well.
The upshot of that of course is that I couldnt get as close as I wanted.

We did however get close enough to happily toast marshmallows in about five seconds each and to make popcorn - though it was a little tougher and took a few minutes to pop.
Its actually quite scary standing there on the crust of the lava... which is really rugged and sharp and will definitely give you some very nasty cuts and bruises if you stumble on it! You can feel the huge amount of heat coming of the ground you are standing on. The people wearing shorts couldnt stand it for long at all (burning their skin!) and had to go find some cooler ground to stand on. People with good quality boots were fine but the ones with cheap runners on had a similar problem in that the soles of their shoes were melting as they stood on the hot stuff!   :)
And when the wind gusts moved in the right way, a pocket of hot air would form and you would occasionally take a breath of really hot air into your lungs that was up around 50 degC or more (definitely well over 40 degC and I think you would get burned lungs at about 60 degC but Im not sure). When that happens for a couple of breaths in a row, you really get a surge of the old animal instincts that tell you to "get the F##K outa there!",

But we all survived and had some fun and even made "ash angels" on the way back down.
Like I said thiough, it was not as close to the lava as I hoped to get, so I shall have to return another time :) The plan will be to try to go when the new lava is flowing over significantly older lava. That way I should be able to get right "up close and personal" with the molten rock... though likely only for a few seconds since 800 degC really does radiate out a lot of heat!


















Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Why did the Turkey Cross the Road

Well, because he had been sub-contracted by the Chicken who was busy!...

The Chicken was laying back in his hot-tub watching HD sports on his new big-screen plazma TV while drinking a mojito and having an animated discussion on his cell phone. He was busy negotiating a new contract with the people at Kellogs for their continued use of his image as the public face for CornFlakes.
Many years ago, the Chicken had started out small with the entry level "road crossing" opportunity. And over the years, he'd managed to work it up into some higher profile contracts and these days it had grown to the point where he was now constantly working with big multinationals.Quite the achievement to be sure, but after so many years of building the business, he felt that he had worked and sweated "for the man" for long enough and it was now time for him to "get his share".
So he was squeezing just as hard as he could at both ends...

You see, in the early years the chicken (before he had become "The Chicken") had just been an honest working Joe and had just been trying to do the best he could for himself with the limited oportunities life had afforded him... Actually, these days, he felt that he had in fact been a complete chump! - The big multinationals had seen him coming and had taken maximum advantage... It'd gone on for years, but the Chicken wasnt completely stupid... Over the years he had watched and learned, and he had been building his "value proposition" and his "competetive advantage" and now, he was going to make the most of it!... So, he used his leverage to squeeze the cereal company for every last benefit and option and endorsement opportunity he could, and now the new contract would set him up for even bigger opportunities he was sure!

At the other end, he had now outsourced the "road crossing" job to some other "hic" from the back woods ... Actually, the turkey reminded the Chicken a lot of himself as a kid... But he wasnt going to let that get him all sympathetic or soft! - No Sir, he was going to squeeze that chump just as hard as he could too... Thats what he had had to go through, so why not the next guy?
And the Chicken was gonna watch the turkey closely too... The old "road crossing" lark was still a good earner... Never let someone else get control of your assets! ... You dont get to be a "Walmart" by going easy on people!

All in all, life was starting to look good for the Chicken...
Sure he was busy and tired and lonely, And sure the thrills of all the high-tech gadgets, and the drugs, and the young "chicks" at his beck and call were feeling just a bit empty and getting a bit dull these days... But he was right on the edge of really "Making it"! ... He could just feeeel it!


For his part, the turkey had always been pretty happy just rooting around in the bush and raising his family. But then the bush had been purchased (The turkey had never even considered that the land he lived on could be taken away from him and his family... It was all a mystery to him, the politics of big business and property development etc.) by the wealthy neighbouring chicken village... And they had cleared the land and subdivided it all up into these very clean and orderly little pens. And so there was no bush to live in and no way to look after his family...So, the turkey had signed a "contract" as they called it, that let him and his family have a small place to live and some food to eat and in return, the turkey had to spend his days away from his family doing the incredibly mundane and seemingly pointless task of "crossing the road".
The turkey wasnt happy but he made himself do it because he loved his family and had just had to look after them some how...never mind the risks of working in noisy poluted urban areas with a high probability that he would eventually become a "road statistic".
The turkey tried to stay hopeful, and rather than focus on the life that he had lost, he chose to try to look to the possibilities of the future... There were some larger properties that the Chicken had pointed out he might be able to live in (if he did well and the "return on investment" from the road crossing job were high enough) It wasnt perfect but the larger space reminded the turkey of his former freedom.. So he kept at it...
And actually, he had seen all the fun and power and freedom that the Chicken had, and he was starting to see the possibilities in the new way of life... If the Chicken could do it then why couldnt he?  :)


So, thats more or less the state of the Chicken and the turkeys world at the present. Who knows where it will go from here? Maybe the Chicken will finally reach "the Big time" and be happy, and maybe the turkey will make it too and get to be "the Turkey"...





...... actually sometimes I look at my own life and I too feel like Ive been a bit of a "turkey" but Im hoping there are some other choices that I can make... But just like the turkey, I cant tell where it will go from here and all I can really do is try to keep growing and keep going! ;)