Im struggling… I really am.
I am seemingly unavoidably, constantly, and profoundly disappointed in “humans”.
As far as we know, humans are the most intelligent species to have ever existed, and in probably little more than twenty thousand years of social development, have transformed from being small subsistence nomadic family groups of primates into a planet modifying highly technological pan-planetary (being a bit generous there maybe :) ) society. From understanding the essential survival skills of our dangerous existence in a hostile environment to understanding and utilizing deep quantum physics, highly structured political economic and social organizations and the beginnings of genetically manipulating our own biological form.
But for all those achievements we are by and large still absolutely abominably self-interested and have such little foresight as to be eminently happy to shit in our own drinking water or eat detergent pods because it will get us attention from other people… or any number of other highly self-destructive behaviors… and for the most part, these “bad behaviors” are not even malicious or “directed” activities… They are simply the manifestation of gross and obvious negligence…
I cant express how disappointed it all makes me feel…
It crushes my spirit to see what people constantly do to them-selves and each other and the planet and well, everything!
Its killing me… I hate people!
And I cant possibly be alone in this feeling… Im not operating on some higher plane of intelligence… Im probably a bit smarter than average but far from exceptional… There must be tens of thousands of people who see the same terrible human behaviors, and the blatantly obvious consequences, and just like me are essentially powerless to effect change in the masses of people who don't see it and dont even bother looking at it.
So, I gotta ask… How are people able to “carry on” and watch it all happening without despairing?
Really… It must drive lots of people to give up hope and just bump themselves off… and clearly lots of people do just that.
For my part, I have no intention of taking such steps… but it does pose me with an ever intensifying existential crisis and increasingly obscured search for personal purpose…
Then again, perhaps that’s half the point of it all right there … well if you are the kind of person that needs to "find the point" of things.
But if there was no struggle there would be no reward, and whether there is reward or not, there is always struggle.
… essentially, I think Im just well on my way to becoming a "Grumpy Old Man" :)
