Conundrum!

Over the last little while here, life has presented me with several more or less minor moral/ethical questions that have been quite challenging to resolve. Actually, I would normally find a way of avoiding resolving them, but this time round Im gonna push myself and not avoid it!...Since I think the default avoidance of such issues is what most of us do most of the time and I think it is often a bad choice.

I thought Id share some of it...


Now, first off, I have to point out very clearly that pretty much everyone who was not born here in Guatemala (all the expats) is here because they are "running away from something" (and I include myself here too of course!). This can mean everything from the litteral "on the run from the law" to the far more mild running away from a lifestyle that is unrewarding. But the core of it is that everyone has run a long way from home (which most people just dont do) and thus everyone here is a bit "special" in their own way and has some "strong" personality traits all of their own.

So, living and interacting in the small expat´ community here exposes you to a lot of "challenging" people and requires quite a bit more tolerance than most people living in their home countries need to have.

So, back to the issues:
There are currently four different situations involving different people of different ages (though all adult) and with different levels of my friendship. The issues are all entirely unrelated and very different but they range across topics from sexual to financial to personal privacy etc...
It took me a while to figure out that they were all quite closely related though...
They are all very specifically to do with selfishness and manipulation/exploitation of others for personal benefit... Which is why I have a problem with these peoples behaviors!

Essentially, I really do not like the way these people are behaving on these specific issues and as a result, I dont want to have anything to do with them. Now for the most part I am actually able to ignore all these issues because either the person or the issue its self crops up very rarely in my daily life... That is to say I can mostly avoid having to deal with it :))
However, one of these people asked me for assistance yesterday and I had to make a choice...
(They phoned me to ask for some information... and I said I didnt have it on me and Id get back to them latter - So this time I have time to decide what to do about it!)

A little more detail here...but not too much!; Lest I offend on the privacy front and fall foul of my own moral standards...... again! :)))

In this case, the person involved is a middle aged adult and they have an absolutely clear history of illegal and amoral behavior (non-violent). No details here but I am absolutely sure that every single one of you would condemn the historic behavior that I am avoiding mentioning. Now since this person has been here in San Pedro, they have also crossed the line on one occasion (possibly only that one occasion - I just dont know!) that involved a good friend of mine but other than that they are more or less a normal sort of person. Note also that they have not done anything directly to me that I have any issues with at all!
Now this person does not have a personality that I find at all interesting and in fact they can be a bit annoying from time to time, but on the whole, I would normally just accept them as a part of my world and interact casually and normally with them. However, as a result of this persons past and known recent behaviors, I dont want to have anything to do with them! I dont want them as a friend, I dont want to be around them and I certainly dont want to help them.
Again, I could normally achieve this and still manage to be courteous in passing with them ("good mornings" and such), but as I said, they have asked me for some assistance...


They have asked me for a small piece of information that they believe I may have.
The information is the contact details for a person who does not live in the town.
I believe they have no ill intent toward that person.
Me providing this information would be entirely legal.
But I am not the only source of this information that the requesting person knows of.
And it would require no effort or difficulty for me to provide the information.
... and, I do in fact have the information (though the requester is not sure of this)


All that said, I find that my gut reaction is to not want to give it to them!
Emotional responses:
...I dont like them...They hurt my friend and others...They will continue to hurt others in the future...I want justice...I wont harm them, but I dont have to help them...Life should be harder for this person...I want to obstruct them.

My Options:
It seems to me that I basically have three main choices as to how I respond.
There are some other choices but they are quickly eliminated:
I could also give them a "talking to" about their behaviors and "evangelize" before proceeding with any of the other options but I believe this would do no good at all... Life has already given them plenty of feedback about what they have done...My preaching wont change them!
I could also choose to be rude and obnoxious but that again would not change them and would make me a far less pleasant person to be around... Then the situation really does "cost" me rather than them!

So the remaining options appear to be:
1) I could Not give them the information.
2) I could avoid the problem.
3) I could give them the information.

Now I make no pretense that any of these choices is right or wrong for anyone else...What is written below is just how it feels for me. The answer I get may be completely different to the one you get...Im OK with that :)


The first option is in line with my gut instincts (... and its a strong urge!) to deny the request.
It fits the idea of the world being a more difficult place for this person who treats others badly with selfish intent. It feels like justice and it also feels like being honest about how I feel about the person and that Im being pro-active about my world...
But its actually "vengance", not "justice", and the punishment has little direct relation to the crime...
And who am I to be punishing anyone anyway?
And its confrontational.
And it has no "forgiveness"...
Even though the offender appears not to be willing/able to change and hence I dont want to forgive!...

... But there is one thing I am sure of, and that is that this world needs more forgiveness!...
Even those; No, Especially those; who dont deserve it!
Without forgiveness, We are all doomed!
We all make mistakes... There needs to be a way back from the darkness for us all!
(Note: While we all deserve forgiveness, it does not mean that our offending behaviors deserve tolerance!)
.. So, on reflection, this does not seem like the option I should take...

The second option seems to me to be the easy way out... In the short term anyway!
I could easily say I dont have the information... I lost it, I never had it, I think its inappropriate to give it out, etc. I could make up mirriad excuses and I would never be discovered in the lie... Except by myself of course...
And I would have lied in order to either avoid making a choice which would be unpleasant for someone else to accept... Or worse to deliberately obstruct someone based on the way I feel.
And I actually think this is VERY self destructive behavior and bad for society as a whole!

Why self destructive and bad for society?
Well, because it is a lie and its the slippery slope toward much more significant choices. Im avoiding being recognized for a choice that someone else does not like. Once this little lie is hidden, then I lay myself open to bigger and bigger lies to keep covering up the previous lie... And then Im open to manipulation by anyone who knows Ive lied!... And make no mistake this is EXACTLY how all of a sudden we find that millions of Jews have been sent off to extermination camps by a regime that we helped put in power!; or that all of a sudden our town/country is being run by gun toting "drug lords" and we hate it, but we chose to do nothing about the grow-op down the street a couple of years ago, because "they were not really hurting anyone"!... OH Yes it is!

Note here (there are so many tangents in this post, its not funny :))) ) that I am fully aware that this is just the sort of argument that Im sure the Taliban uses to justify spraying teenaged girls who dare to go to school with acid!...If you want to, you can "justify" any sort of atrocity with this kind of logic.... But Im not talking about what "punitive actions" you decide to take... Im talking about being honest with yourself and being prepared to be honest about what you believe in with others... Even when it gets uncomfortable for our selves!

Dont get me wrong here, these little "public deceits" for the purpose of conflict avoidance virtually never develop into "monster" sized problems... But they absolutely are avoidance of responsibility for choices that are not popular with someone else.
The most likely outcome of this sort of behavior is that we will wake up one day and discover that we absolutely hate the life we are living because its ALL based on a continual stream of little lies to be nice to all the people in our world... And now we are trapped into "being" something that we dont want to be and living a hopeless empty existance that we dont have the courage to change.
Now, it may not be quite as bad as that but I bet most of you feel a bit of truth in there... And if you think about it, I bet its because you were avoiding being honest about little things way back when... Think about it?...

So, Yes I could "avoid" the issue by doing this...
And I know for sure that in one way and another I have done this plenty of times in the past and will do it again in the future... But I think it is a bad choice now, and I want to do this as little as possible in the future... So, For my own sake, I will not take this option either!

The third option goes strongly against my base instincts...
It means I am helping this person whose actions I strongly disagree with.
It could encourage them to seek assistance from me again.
It could encourage them to seek my friendship...Which those same instincts dont want to give.
It is non-confrontational.
It is "tolerant".
It also could be seen as being incredibly hypocritical by avoiding confrontation, avoiding taking action, and avoiding justice.
And, it could be seen as weak and irresponsible...


But its not avoidance at all, Its a definite choice, And its a choice based on careful consideration...
And its a choice with "compassion" and "hope"...
...And I hope someone does the same for me one day when I least deserve it!   :))


So, that will be my choice... Give them the information and move on.

Im still free to spend as little time around them as I want.
Im still free to decide who I want as my friends and who I dont, and to encourage or discourage friendship accordingly.


But it doesnt mean that I would make the same choice for the other situations or even for the same situation if things were just a little different... These things are complicated and I think each deserves consideration... each and every time. Its hard to deal with this sort of challenge well when your "on the spot" and Im sure Ill make bad choices in the future through lack of time to consider...But I will try to do the best I can.
Id like to find a way of deciding quickly and easily what to do in these situations but its hard to pull stuff out of the muddle of my emotions and logic.

No doubt, if Aristotle were alive, he would be dissapointed with me, but I guess the best I can do at this stage is this:

If there is no immediately apparent behavior or consequences that cross my moral boundaries.. And if I have no personal bad experience with the person on the issue in question...
Then I'll try to "let it go"...
... They may not be my friend, but I am not their enemy!


This issue is still not done though ...  So easily misinterpreted - So tricky!
Ill continue in the next post...