And More On the Same...

... Sorry about the delay but Ive been sick for the last couple of days (hopefully not N1H1)
Ill continue with this when I can...


Couple of significant clarifications and explanations I need to make

1) So I seem to think its better to trade "verbal avoidance" for "physical avoidance". That doesnt seem any better solution!
Well, yes, to me it is a better solution...
What Im saying is that Id rather avoid being around a person at all than be around a person and "fake" being nice to them.
Putting it as simply as I can... If there is someone who I have some significant issue with then I should try to forgive them and get over it. If however the issue is "too big" for me to "let go of" then, if I have to stay in their presence, I will have to constantly struggle with the issue and the person internally. The "offending" person may very well have no clue at all that I have a problem with their behaviors and will likely carry on blissfully unaware that I dont like it. Even if they do know I disapprove of them in some form, they likely just wont care and will likewise carry on happily "doing their thing". So by staying in their presence and "faking" normal nice social behavior, I am in fact giving myself a large amount of continual stress and they are unaffected...So they stay happy and I am making myself unhappy.
This is completely pointless!

One thing I am ABSOLUTELY sure of is that my happiness is completely my own responsibility and choice at ALL times.

So, it doesnt matter if I believe I am right and they are wrong. It doesnt matter if they should leave and I should stay.... All that matters is that if I am unable to truly be happy when I am around this person, then I should choose to not be around them!
Thats all there is to it!

How does this effect my choices in real life?
Well, life is full of conflicts for all of us. It simply is not possible for me to physically avoid everyone whose behavior is not to my liking. The work environment is a classic situation where I have to put up with things I dont like (and believe me Ive done it for long enough to know). Its not practical to "walk away" from every situation that is not to my liking...I cant run from everything.... But if I simply cant manage to forgive, then yes, walking away (including from a job) is still an option well worth taking if I want to be happy.

SO, Based on the above rational; If I want to be happy, then I better learn to forgive!... And I think we could probably all be happier if we tried to do the same :))


2) At what point do I feel it is appropriate to "intervene" when I see something going on that I disapprove of?
Well, Thats by no means a simple question of course.
I guess that for the most part we should leave other people alone and allow them to do their thing... Even if we dont approve. Thats more or less what I said in the first post... If theres no life or limb involved and the people are consenting adults then its their own business....
That said, I also believe that we all have a huge responsibility to take action on others behalf even when it does not effect us! Those two ideas seem to be, and in many cases are, in direct conflict!

Ive thought about it quite a bit and I actually think there are other times (beyond when life and limb are obviously threatned) that we should be prepared to take action (in some form).
One quote (actually paraphrased) that has always stuck in my mind that makes me pretty sure about the above comment is the words of Pastor Martin Niemoller from after the Holocost:

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then... they came for me... And by that time there was no one left to speak up!"

But the rules for "taking action" are far from clear and I need to do more thinking on the subject.
At the moment I think that I should probably be prepared to at least "say something" if I feel there is force or threat or coersion involved (since I think these are basically bad regardless of the application)... But it still definitely needs more thinking!


3) If I do choose to intervene or express my disapproval, then what manner of intervention is acceptable?
Again...One of the more challenging of lifes questions for us (well, for me at least).
Well Im pretty sure that gentle/compasionate intervention is the obvious best choice in pretty much all cases... Simple verbal interaction can difuse most situations if handled skilfully.
But I think any intervention that is motivated by anger or similar negative emotions is pretty sure to be a bad idea!

But unfortunately, Im also pretty sure that its not too hard to "set up" a situation where I would take violent action (note here that I have as yet absolutely never been involved in a physical "fight" in my entire life). You just need to do something nasty to a loved one of mine or an inocent child (or any number of other sensitive choices) and I think those animal instincts that we all have would kick in and Id "let loose"!

So, What are my rules for intervention?
"Do it as gently as possible!" ... but that does not nesecarily rule out physical and possibly violent intervention!
So that leaves me with the very real possibility of making mistakes of the worst possible kind...But thats nothing new since I have always been this way...On the bright side I have successfully avoided violence for over 40 years so far... Hopefully I can continue in the same manner :))

But again, this needs lots more thinking about...
Im sure Ill get back to these subjects in future posts but its not going to be concluded in this post. :)))

... Back to more mundane topics for the time being.