Objects of Desire

I was in a small city on the Caribbean coast of Honduras for a day or so while it rained... and rained... and rained. :))
There was not much to do there and wandering around the dull, grubby centre of town got very "old" very quickly. So I wandered a little farther a field and came across a quite large and modern shopping mall... It was the quintessential US style of mall down to the Dunkin Donuts, Burger King, and Pizza Hut stalls in the food court area. Note here that I dont think this is actually a good thing, but it did make for a bit of a change.

So, I wandered around in the overly bright fluorescent lighting and I happened past a fairly normal glass display case and noticed that it had an assortment of ladies dress purses in it. I looked at them and I thought that I didnt really find any of them very attractive, or even of very good quality... - No, I actually dont have a habit of doing this :))

And then followed a rapid little sequence of emotional responses that went something like this.

Hmmm, Yuk!, Why would anyone want that...
Ohh, but Im from somewhere else and my sensibilities are very different to here.... These would likely be very desirable to the local women...
Ohhh, Thats kinda sad or perhaps a bit child like... I feel sort of sorry, and sort of paternal and supportive at the same time...
Wait on; Im no different at all really!... I just like different things... What a hypocrite I can be...
I wonder where that desire to "have" comes from?

(This was a little sequence of emotions though, so its hard to "wrap it up" neatly with words, but I think you will get the idea.)

And thats the central question I have for this post (Though I dont really have an answer to that question).

It seems to me that this core desire to "have" certain things, is probably the major cause of most of our human suffering (well as I see it at present anyway).
Its the root of capitalism, and corruption, and most theft etc. And it panders to our fears of "not getting our share", or losing what we have etc... All bad stuff as I see it.

We all do it, There are things we want to "have" and we spend huge amounts of our emotional, mental, and physical time and energy striving to acquire these things.
For some people its a pretty purse, for others its a beaten up old 4WD or a motorbike.
For others its a house, or a piece of cake, or a pet, or possibly even another person!

I had a bit of a think about that, and I can acknowledge that evolutionary pressures would drive the desire to acquire security items like clothes or houses or the most obvious being food. Likewise, tools that allow us to acquire these things would also be desirable and therefore selected for.
Moving to a different front,we humans are social animals, and many people want attention from other people or power over them, and this also seems like a reasonable evolutionary desire, as would tools to achieve these things like knowledge or beauty dress items etc.

But I looked inside myself again and that doesnt cover the full list of desires to "have"... There are still things that I want to have that dont meet any of these "needs" and I pile them under the heading of "Shiny Beads".
Now, shiny beads can of course be used in the social context for beauty or wealth "image" purposes, but thats not what I mean... There are things that when I see them, I simply want to "have" them, and I dont care if other people see that I have them or not, and I dont care if they have a useful function or not... I want them for me and just for the sake of having them...

And that, makes little sense to me from the evolutionary stand point!!

Why do I want to "have" in this pointless way?
... and I dont have an answer for that question...But its definitely there, deep down in all of us... We want to have things and it drives us to the strangest of behaviours!


But, on the bright side, what I can say is that I used to want to "have" a great deal more than I do these days... With a bit of introspection, I largely got over the having desire, and I found that I was far more interested in "Doing"... The "have" urge was really mostly a "have the use of" urge.
Actually Id always had a strong desire to experience things and its what has led me to take some turns in life that many other people probably would not have done... The experiences became even more valuable than the objects them selves. This changed my goals a great deal and I became far less attached to stuff!
But that desire to experience this or that has also largely faded in recent years, and I no longer feel strong urges to climb mountains or travel to as many countries as possible etc. I still do these things to some extent, but they dont motivate my choices anything like they used to. (Yes, I am traveling at present but it was not the urge to travel that made me do it!)

Im not sure what I am left with now though?... Its very true that I still do have a few desires to have, and a few desires to experience, and they do influence my choices quite strongly, but there are far far fewer of them now than there ever have been before in my life.

And on that same front, I am finding that my current level of "desire" for social interaction is also at a very low ebb.
Its not that I dont like people (though there are plenty of them that I choose not to spend time around); Its more that I dont NEED to interact with anyone at the moment. I dont seem to want anything from anyone.
That may not sound too strange but I can tell you for sure that most people want quite a lot from other people. Mostly we want social acceptance and approval. Some times we want to manipulate and influence others. Sometimes we are motivated by the simplest physical desires for sex etc. Whatever the case, the "normal", healthy human wants lots from other people.

For example, the last time I rode my bike South, after having spent a couple of months on the road and arriving in Guatemala (after a month of little contact with English speaking people) I was quite "wired", and I really needed to talk and "connect" with people. This made me quite an intense person as far as others were concerned.
But, this time, after similar lack of "connection" I find that I have virtually no NEEDs for anything from anyone...

Its actually a very good way to be and Im very free to do as I will, but I dont think other people really understand it at all...

When I say its a "good way to be", that is mostly from a selfish perspective though. I have occasionally come across people with a similarly high level of "independence" from time to time, and while they are largely immune to external judgements and input from others, I have almost without exception found them to have a complimentary, and way over developed ability to be extremely inconsiderate of other people... And I dont think that is a good thing at all!

The individuals dont think that other peoples opinions or desires are important at all and they dissmiss them and prioritise their own concerns only (and thats the other half of the "greed mentality" of capitalism and materialism).

I however think this is actually very bad for others. I think we all have a responsibility to not impinge on other peoples desires if we can manage it. Of course, in some circumstances (mostly when people want something specifically from me) it cant be avoided, but for the most part it takes very little effort to accommodate and is no real conflict (when I am just "in the way" of them getting on with what they want to do for example, or simple polite punctuality)... But it dose take some effort to pay attention to other peoples desires and the ability to see other peoples perspectives (which is much harder to do)... And this is where it seems to me that those other "independent" individuals I have encountered are usually very much lacking and very much unaware!

I have to say also that this is an issue for me. My "independence of social needs" has actually been building for quite a few months, and Ive noticed that I am not always being as considerate of others as I think I should be...so Ive actually been "pushing some people away" a bit... sort of trying to avoid being inconsiderate by avoiding being around...
Its not a great solution though, but its been the best I could manage for a while. Hopefully I get through this phase and on to whatever is next soon :)

So, the "social-independence" thing is a good way to be if you are travelling alone and a lot (how convenient!) but I am still trying to put extra effort into not being inconsiderate to others...

Just the way things are for me at the moment! :)))