Self Inflicted, Self Reflected

I got a little response from a friend about my most recent "adventure" with bike repairs in the middle of Bolivia...
The comment was along the lines of "I love how you dont decide to check it until you are in the middle of nowhere..."

And in response, I gotta say... Yep, no question, the situation was entirely "self inflicted"...
It was not "just bad luck".
It was not a natural or unpredictable event.
It was not a "failure" of the bike.
It was not caused by anyone else being careless or malicious either.

It was entirely caused by my own actions.
And it was a completely avoidable situation.
... But it was also not a deliberately contrived situation.
It happened because I simply didnt check the condition of the bike carefully enough... Because I forgot!

Its not like "... Our intrepid hero avoids disaster in remote wilderness with resourceful aplomb..."
Its more like "... Our dumb-ass traveller manages to get himself out of tricky situation that he caused all by himself through his own casual forgetfulness..."

So dont be thinking anything other than that!
I got exactly what I deserved on all fronts :)))


So, yes, my friend is absolutely right.
Now of course, in my defence I will mention that the issue was very subtle to detect once it had started to become a problem... It could have been the road surface, the tire pressure, the suspension, the swing-arm or head-set bearings... Or it could have just been my own imagination too.
All these possibilities take time to investigate and inspect and eliminate as the cause... Which is how I came to be in the middle of no-where when I finally located the exact cause... And thats what happens when you take a bike on a long tour and you have to do your own maintenance.

... But none of that has the slightest bearing on the fact that I could easily have found the issue BEFORE it became a problem a week or two earlier simply by spending the little bit of time to undo the chain sprocket cover and have a look!!!

So, why didnt I?
Simple answer is that I just forgot.
... But the deeper reason is more interesting...

I forgot because it simply wasnt a high enough priority for me... Which means that I wasnt that worried about it.
And that is very much a reflection of my personality in general and my current "outlook" on life as well...

So, clearly I could have been more diligent, and I could check every little thing the moment stuff doesnt "feel" absolutely perfect, and I could have a thorough and rigid maintenance plan and I could also know where my next stop is with good service and parts before I set out, and I could have a well planned itinerary of my route and I could have extra spares with me, and I could ride with a partner on another bike as back-up, and I could have studied more Spanish so I can always communicate more clearly... etc. etc.
... There are thousands of things I could have done to eliminate the problem before it arose or even to have dealt with it more effectively when it did arise... BUT I CHOSE NOT TO!

Make no mistake, this little adventure of mine is entirely a "self inflicted situation" and I could have decided never to set out; Or I could decide to ship the bike home and fly back to Vancouver at any point without much difficulty if I wanted it to end... But again, I DONT WANT TO.
This little adventure is what I want to be doing...

Its not really for you the reader.
Its certainly not for "posterity"
Its not really to prove anything to anyone (barely even to myself).
Its not even to see different cultures, or to see amazing landscapes etc...

As Ive said before,
Simply put, it is for me to "think about stuff"...
You may like to think of it as a "mid-life crisis"... or whatever other cliché little title that comes to mind. The one that fits most comfortably from my perspective would be that its a classic "Voyage of Self Discovery".

And, as my recent post about my own racism/sexism "taints" shows, Its much easier and more effective to learn stuff about yourself and others and the world and life, by paying attention as you are exposed to different situations. (Note, I believe that its possible, but far harder to get the same stuff out of just sitting around and thinking about situations or even reviewing past situations in your mind.)
... And riding a motorbike all the way through the Americas provides a very large number and a very broad range of "unplanned situational experiences"... And thats why Im doing it!

Note: I certainly didnt think it through in this way when I decided to start the trip, but that is certainly what I was doing :)


... And for the present, it seems to be working well for me :)

I say that, because Im having fun... And Im becoming far less "uptight" and far more "open and accepting".
I know this because when unplanned and "obstructive" situations like the sprocket problem that I just had occur, I dont get angry... Really! I can honestly say that there was not a glimmer of anger at the motorbike or any attempt to find something/someone to "blame". And there was only a slight "self-reprimand" for being careless...

You see, this sort of "careless negligence" and forgetfulness has always been a mild issue for me... Im sure Ive mentioned my bad memory in other posts, and its always been there, and its even been something of a "limit" as far as my professional work has been concerned... Not good to forget important little technical details in an Engineering design environment!
And, in the past (especially with regard to work stuff) Ive always been really disappointed with my-self when I made these "forgetful mistakes" and Id "self-reprimand", and do what I could to make it less likely in the future... And I did OK with it, and Id get better, but never "great", and there were always new things to forget, and all in all, It made me very tired and a bit disappointed with my-self.
But the truth is, its just the way Im "built", and while I can and do generally try to minimise forgetting with important things, I have recently decided (for the most part at least) to stop "beating myself up" about it :))

So, Im sorry about forgetting new peoples names instantly, and friends birthdays, and girlfriends anniversaries etc... But the fact is, It just aint that important to me and Im not gonna feel bad about myself any-more :)

Likewise, Im not nearly as worried about "things" being "outside of my control"... Its mostly OK, whatever it is :))
Many if not most people would not be at all comfortable with the way I go about things on this trip of mine... Most people would need to have lots more stuff "under control"...
And Im not at all saying that Im better than them... We all do what we need to do... Im just saying that Im not being a hypocrite if, when I get "Unexpected" surprises that I dont get angry... If I did, then clearly I wouldnt be open and accepting... Id have been better off doing the checking up-front to avoid the issue.

So, Im generally happy to go "swanning off" down a gravel road that I think may be interesting without really checking much out... I could check with locals whats down there, or I could thoroughly check my map (I have a really crappy map for South America actually!) or I could have got good maps for my GPS off the web ... or I could check web bulletin boards for exact details of how to get to where I want ...etc (again there are virtually infinite options to "get more control" of the situation)
But I just "dont mind" about way more "stuff" than I ever used to before. Note though, that there are some things that I do like to keep "under control"... Like fuel for example; In all my travels, Ive only run out of fuel twice and both times, I fell short by only a few Km... Clearly that does make my priority list!

Now, I still have a long way to go before I get to a "Zen" like acceptance of the world... I still get frustrated at all sorts of little things, a hundred time a day... For example, traffic is a definite challenge for me even now after all this time dealing with developing world drivers!
But these days when I do get frustrated, it is quite rare that it lasts more than a couple of seconds... Unless its causing me direct physical discomfort anyway)

So, my increasing casual negligence is in fact a choice and I am in fact using it to Grow... In a way that seems good to me... for the present :))


... But dont you worry, whenever Im working on things that I do care about the result of, that "negligence" gets promptly replaced with a high degree of diligence :)))