Just in Time

As one would expect, my little brain has been running rings around its self (it already goes quite quickly but its really been outperforming lately) over the past week while I thought about my past with this new perspective.

So, I think, yes, this stuff has effected almost all of my social interactions in quite an insidious fashion. I think I am now much better off in recognizing the cause and that given that, I should be able to start making changes that will eventually make me a much easier person to get along with. I have no delusion that these changes will be instant. The habits of a lifetime need to be overcome here, but hey, better late than never.
There is the temptation to feel that I have uncovered the big self mystery and that this is fully responsible for all my shortcomings, but that simply isn´t true. There is no doubt that it is a big issue (certainly the biggest), but I still need to keep an eye out for other insights into why I do the things I do.

There is also the temptation to say of my past bad behaviors "it wasn´t my fault" and then move on with clear conscience; but for me that doesn't feel right either.
If we all did that and decided to blame all our actions on the prior actions of others, then there would be no responsibility at all!
No, I feel that even though there are reasons for the way I have behaved, it was still me that behaved that way and I need to take responsibility for it. Its all in the past now, and there is precious little that I can do to change any of it. About the only thing that I can do is to admit it.

So, here and now I state for the record:
In the past, I have often behaved poorly for reasons that I did not fully understand. My poor behaviors have caused to some extent many people to be hurt unnecessarily.
I am truly sorry for the hurts that I have caused you all and I humbly ask for your forgiveness.

I'm sure this blog will be read by few enough of the effected people, but certainly many of you have known me for years and have no doubt suffered ill effects on many occasions.
I will also be writing a few personal letters to some of my closer friends to say it more personally.
That's about it - I'm sorry. I´ll be trying to do better in the future :)

Just in time? - Just in time for what?

Well, Just in time for the rest of my life :)